The Adventures of Jet Jones: Memphis Edition

  • So, kids in Memphis, unsatisfied with the grammatical uses of the word “too,” have taken to saying things like “I’m three hungry” or “That’s three much.” Y’all. This is worse than when all of my students from the Bay area said “hella” every other sentence. I’m three through with all of this… Shit.
  • Me: Have you seen my new twitter avatar? It’s the gayest thing ever. Cousin: But Saeed all of your ava—- *shows him the picture* Oh.
  • The squirrels who have taken over the attic of my grandmother’s apartment are, apparently engaged in a Battle Royale. I’m sitting here working on my new Ebony piece and these damn squirrels are up there lip synching for their lives. Girl, I’m too through.
  • Turns out squirrels can bark. Who knew?
  • I’m too pretty to be mauled to death by rabid squirrels. I won’t allow it.
  • Writing in here while my grandmother shouts out Price Is Right bids in the living room - just like when I would visit her for the summer when I was a little kid — except with more squirrels.
  • I think the squirrels have fought each other to a draw. I’m going to use this opportunity to take a nap.
  • My decision to leave home and travel has brought some “interesting” reactions from people. Some folks take it so personally when you grab the reins of your life — as if it is an affront to them.
  • When someone tells you they are changing their life, your first reaction will determine the rest of your relationship to that person.
  • But, hey, what do I know? I’m outchea fending for my life against rabid squirrels.

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